In a
wide-ranging interview, Yoko Ono has revealed she is still scared of
John Lennon's killer - and talks about her late husband's long-rumored
bisexuality.
In the exclusive sit-down with The Daily Beast,
Ono, 82, also speaks of how she stopped using drugs after The Beatle's
death in order to remain 'super-clear' and be a good mother.
The
oddball artist admitted she remained fearful of Mark David Chapman, who
shot Lennon outside the couple's Manhattan apartment building - the
Dakota, where Ono still lives - in 1980.
Scared: Yoko
Ono (pictured at a peace rally on October 6) says she's still afraid of
John Lennon's killer, who remains in jail. The couple (pictured right)
were married for 11 years.
Ono,
who has a son Sean, with Lennon, said: 'At the time, they could have
done it, too. I was really lucky that I didn't die with John.
'If that had happened, what would have happened to Sean?'
Killer: Mark David Chapman, pictured after his arrest, has been denied parole eight times.
Ono told The Daily Beast
she still has to be 'super-careful, almost like a certain animal who is
used to being hunted,' and employs personal security both for when she
is at home and when she goes out out.
'So when I go out or when I don't go out, in my apartment, I'm very, very careful.
'It's
very, very difficult for me to think about Chapman, especially because
he doesn't seem to think that was a bad thing to do.
'It's crazy.'
Chapman
was denied parole for the eighth time last year. His wife has to
written Ono - who has publicly opposed each parole request - asking her
to forgive him.
But Ono said she would be 'concerned' if Chapman was paroled.
'I said he's crazy, but probably not - probably he had a purpose he wanted to accomplish like "Kill John Lennon".
'So he might have another purpose. He's not the kind of person who's… I don't think he's just doing it emotionally.
'There is a reason, whether a simple reason or not, to do what he does, and justify it. So that's very scary.'
Ono,
who is originally from Japan, progresses to talk about Lennon's fluid
sexuality after being asked about her own, which she describes as
'extremely old-fashioned'.
Love affair? There were rumors of a
relationship between Lennon and Beatles manager Brian Epstein (pictured
together in 1964) when he was married to his first wife, Cynthia.
Lennon
(left in 1969) and Epstein (in 1966) and went on a vacation to Barcelona
together when Cynthia was pregnant with Lennon's son Julian
'Many people think I'm a strong woman. I never thought that, but probably I am,' she said.
'Maybe
they think I really don't go for men but it's not true. I like normal
relationships ... whatever ''a normal relationship'' is.'
Lennon was long thought to have had an affair with Brian Epstein, the gay manager of The Beatles.
A fictionalized story of the romance was made into a film, The Hours and Times, in 1992.
The movie, centered around Epstein's crush on Lennon, won an award at the Sundance Film Festival.
Rumors
about the two started swirling when Lennon - whose wife at the time,
Cynthia, was pregnant with their son Julian - went on a vacation with
Epstein to Barcelona, according to The Beatle's Bible.
Brian Epstein (seen in 1964) was open with the band about being gay. He died from an overdose in 1967, when he was 32.
Lennon
said afterwards: 'I was on holiday with Brian Epstein in Spain, where
the rumors went around that he and I were having a love affair.
'Well, it was almost a love affair, but not quite.
'It was never consummated. But it was a pretty intense relationship.
'It was my first experience with a homosexual that I was conscious was homosexual.'
However Lennon's friend Pete Shotton would later say that the star told him he had allowed Epstein to 't*ss him off'.
Ono,
in her new interview, said she and Lennon had long conversations about
bisexuality in which he said he believed everyone is likely bisexual -
but is inhibited from exploring it because of society.
'So we are hiding the other side of ourselves, which is less acceptable,' Ono said.
She was then questioned about the supposed affair between Lennon and Epstein.
'Uh, well, the story I was told was a very explicit story, and from that I think they didn't have it [sex],' she said.
Ono went on to say she believed Lennon 'admitted' to the relationship when it didn't necessarily happen.
'But
they went to Spain, and when they came back tons of reporters were
asking, ''Did you do it, did you do it?'' So he said, ''I did it,''' she
said.
'Isn't that amazing?
'But of course he would say that. I'm sure Brian Epstein made a move, yeah.
'(Lennon) just didn't want to do it, I think.'
Ono said she doesn't believe Lennon ever had sex with a man - but likely wanted to.
'No, I don't think so,' Ono told The Daily Beast. 'I think he had a desire to, but I think he was too inhibited.
'The
beginning of the year he was killed, he said to me, ''I could have done
it, but I can't because I just never found somebody that was that
attractive."
'Both John and I were into attractiveness - you know - beauty.'
Ono
also opened up about her use of drugs. She said that she didn't ever
like marijuana but would pretend to smoke it in a social situation.
Ono
added that after doing 'a lot' of drugs in the 60s and 70s, she stopped
after Lennon died - even though doctors offered to give her morphine
'every day'.
'What
happened was that I suddenly realized I had extra responsibility on
many levels, so I couldn't be taking anything,' the mom of one told The
Daily Beast.
'The first night they gave me morphine but from then on I didn't take anything. I couldn't do it.
'I had to be super-clear to take on the business situation, the political situation, everything.
'And then I think I took some drugs, sort of like designer drugs or something.
'It wasn't very good and I just didn't feel right.'
Ono will be given the Icon Award at the British Attitude Awards Wednesday in recognition of her art.
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